MORNING LAUGHS

Start your day with these hilarious jokes…

A married couple come to the marriage counselor. The wife complains: We were having a perfect marriage until his girlfriend started dating my boyfriend.. 

According to the statistics, the most popular SMS among men is: I love you too.

A girl tells her boyfriend

- After our marriage I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me.
- Where is that?
- In Hawaii.

A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant. My name, living address, phone number...

A woman come to a doctor, with bumps and bruising all over her body. The woman complains that it was her husband, who beat her. Doctor tells in surprise:
- I thought your husband was out of town.
- So did I..

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman  is one who can find such a man.

Woman standing in front of the mirror complains to her husband:
- I look ugly. At least you tell me any compliment! 
- Your vision is perfect!

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.

A wife to her husband:
- Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm reading our marriage certificate
- What for?
- I'm looking for the expiry date..

Woman don't understand how a man with two kidneys may say that he can't afford to buy her a new fur coat...


Man: what you have prepared to eat today?
Wife: nothing
Man: but you did nothing yesterday
Wife : I made it for two days.

Wife: what you was doing today?
Man: nothing
Wife: Well, but you did nothing yesterday
Man: Haven't finished yet.

Want to hear an interesting story? Send a message to your wife:
"I know everything, how could you?".

Two friends talking:
- What's up?
- My wife left me for my best friend..
- I thought I was your best friend...
- Now he is.

"My Darling," said a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend for lunch.”
"What? Are you crazy?” The wife replied. The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, and I am not going to prepare any meal.”
"I know that” husband replied.
“So why did you invite him then”? She asked.
“Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.”

Single guys often dream of having a wise, beautiful and caring wife. But married guys think about it even more often.​

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up.

'Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship, 'the wife explained.' He was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening.'

Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, "Mother of Six," in spite of her regular objections.

One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well.

Geoff bellows at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home, Mother of Six?'

Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, 'Anytime you're ready, "Father of Four".'

On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the dinner celebrating it, Byron was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

'Tell us Byron, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?'

Byron responds, 'Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all.  It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single.'

The other night, my wife and I were going out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and enquired, 'Does this look natural?'

Source: www.funny-jokes-quotes.com

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